21 3 / 2012
What’s the right thing to do? He loves me and I know he doesn’t want to let me go, but I never bring any good to him. We fight almost everyday, and that’s because I’m selfish.. or more like, he thinks I am.
I care for him a lot. I’m proud of everything he does. I know he’s the best guy I’ve ever been with, I know that. He do the most ridiculous but sweetest things. He knows everything about me, the signs when I’m starting to get mad or the things that can really really make me happy.
We don’t see each other that often but he’s everywhere. His photos in my phone, my laptop, my facebook, my personalized mug.. He’s the only guy that I never had the courage NOT to be with.
But despite all those, there are very simple things that he does not get about me, and whenever I try to make him understand those things, he always think I’m being cruel or just want to start a fight, and that hurts a lot. I want us to grow, not destroy us. I want us to get better but he sees the opposite. He thinks I’m immature, selfish, and a total war-freak. He barely sees the good side of me.. so with that being said, I want to have the courage to grow on my own. I want to get better in everything. I want to learn things that I won’t learn if I stay in this relationship. And I hope one day, he will realize my true intentions for us.. but when he realize that, I don’t think we’d still be together, I don’t think I’d still be his girl.
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20 3 / 2012
In my room. I should be studying but I’m not. I got a knife on my hand, I don’t know what to do with it, but I’m imagining things. What am I thinking? I’m thinking of slicing all of those bitches’ throats. I don’t know why I thought of that, but for a moment, I lived it. Control is not in my system right now, I want to hurt someone, a girl from his past.
I can feel my breath down into my hands as I type, and my hands are cold, not just because of the weather, but because I’m nervous. And again, I don’t know why. My head is pounding, I feel nauseous. I’m also curious, curious of things, filthy things…
20 3 / 2012
Ang mga lalake..
Ibigay mo lahat ng atensyon mo sakanila, masasakal. Wag mo namang pansinin masyado, ang cold mo naman.
Kapag nagpapaganda ka para sakanya, hindi ka pansinin. Kapag napansin ka ng ibang lalake, magagalit tas halos ipagsigawan sa iba na kanya ka.
Kapag in-love na in-love ka, at wala ka nang bukambibig kundi siya, lumalaki ang ulo at mas lalo ka pang pahahabulin. Kapag hiwalayan mo, para ulit nanliligaw kung makasuyo.
I seriously don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong. Don’t be so immature about everything. Girls are not toys, my gosh.
